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This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Megan Smyth, mom to 3-year-old triplets. It has been edited for length and clarity.
Eighteen months ago, I became the sole parent of three identical triplet toddlers -- something I never thought I would say. Their dad is not involved in raising them
I have sole custody of the boys, who are now 3. I work four days a week, which just about covers all our expenses -- the mortgage, bills, clothes, and food -- but needless to say, money is tight, and parenting three energetic boys on your own is exhausting. I spend most of my time refereeing wrestling matches.
One thing I'm particularly proud of -- and relieved by -- is how independent they are now that they're 3 years old. As it's just me, I can't physically do everything for them all the time, so I've been intentional about teaching them to take care of themselves.
For example, the boys all hang their coats up and put their shoes on the shoe rack when they come home from day care. They know to put their dirty clothes in the washing basket and washing machine. At dinner time, they know when it's time to set the table. They'll each take one knife, fork, spoon, plate, and cup to set their own place.
Most evenings, they help tidy up their toys. They help me feed our pet fish and help me pick up after our six dogs -- I don't let them touch their droppings, but they like to point them out to me so I can clean them up. They also carry their own toys and juice up to bed every night.
They are very competitive, so when one does something I want them to do, I praise them, and the other two quickly follow suit.
I even potty trained them, and they picked it up so quickly. I made sure they were ready and understood what they needed to do. I had them drink lots of juice and asked them every 20 to 30 minutes if they needed to go. I gave them huge rewards when they did something in the potty -- things they wouldn't normally be allowed, like chocolate or candy; plus, I used a sticker rewards chart and lots of books, songs, and videos all about potty training and being "big boys" now.
They're very independent and actually don't need me constantly. They play well by themselves, especially character-led games they make up. Being one of the triplets is like having best friends to play with all the time, which makes me feel less bad about money being so tight and not being able to afford many luxuries.
It might sound obvious, but when the cost of something like theme park entry or football lessons and the uniform is multiplied by three, so many things are unachievable on the budget we have.
I worked out in their first year alone, and their expenses came to around $23,500 when you take into account three of everything -- car seats, cribs, high chairs, a triplet stroller, clothes, diapers, and more. The formula cost nearly $1,570 alone. And that's not including the new house we needed to move to, as well. My mom and dad helped a lot, and my ex's mom and dad.
I've been trying to decide whether it's getting better or worse because they eat more now than they did a year ago. They'll probably have two sandwiches each for lunch, for example, and that's times three. We go through two loaves of bread a week. Some weeks, I've had to borrow money from my mom for food. I try to keep the cost as low as possible, but we still spend around $105 a week on food, and that's me really scrimping on what we can get through the week with -- no luxury items. It's pure survival.
We scrape by. I buy most of their clothes secondhand online and sell anything they've outgrown. I hardly buy or do anything for myself, except on Friday night, when my mom takes care of the boys.
Nothing can ever prepare you for having triplets or for being the sole parent of them. There isn't a lot of support. I've joined a Facebook group for triplet and quadruplet moms, and a lot of us have gotten chatting and even met up. It's been so helpful for swapping tips and tricks and for dealing with certain situations that only other triplet moms can relate to.