It was a dark overcast winter night. Nervousness was writ large on the faces of the group of people gathered in one of the smaller meeting rooms of Taj Mahal Palace, Colaba. While they sipped tea or nibbled at cookies and sandwiches, they closely watched Hercules Tarot, the famous detective, who was sitting quietly in a corner.
Fayne Sweet, who headed a large foreign fund with investments across the world, wondered why he had been summoned urgently from New York to attend this meeting. Ambar Advani tried to put on an I-don't-care-a-hoot attitude, slumped on the sofa staring at his mobile phone. But he knew that the large positions he was holding in futures and options and the consistent losses he had been making had made him the focus of all attention.
Alfie Patel paced up and down, having an animated discussion with a mutual fund chairman. Surabi Saxena was trying her best not to look irritated at being called away from work. She had to put finishing touches to the Board Meeting agenda which included some new interesting ways to trouble stockbrokers. She hoped there would be enough time to do that before 2 am, when she went to bed.
Silence fell on the room as Hercules Tarot, the famous detective, rose to speak. 'Excusez-moi madame et messieurs, for dragging you all here at this hour. But le Finance Secretary has assigned me a very important job. Over the last many months, a strange madness appears to have gripped Indian stock market. Stock prices are going up and up, but companies are reporting dismal revenue and profit numbers. Investors do not seem to care about earnings, the risk from the madman in America, the higher tariff or slowing demand,' said Tarot gesticulating with his hands.
'Someone is continuing to buy these stocks at such absurd prices. Mademoiselle Sanity, who makes sure that investors link fundamentals with stock prices before buying, was found dead in one of the alleys of Dalal Street last month. I have been investigating this murder, and I am sorry to say that the murderer is one among you.'
Everyone looked stunned at this announcement. Fayne Street jumped up from his seat indignantly, 'Look here Monsieur Tarot, you cannot fling accusations like this at foreign investors. We have been the most rational in this silly bull-run. Why would we buy Indian stocks when Chinese stocks are available at much lower price earning multiple?'
'C'est vrai,' said Tarot nodding his head slowly. 'The needle of suspicion was on you first since you lot are unscrupulous about pushing up prices without any fundamental basis and are quite capable of strangling Mademoiselle Sanity ruthlessly. But foreign portfolio investors have been continuously selling Indian stocks since last October, net selling over $15 billion so far in 2025. You have, surprisingly, been protecting Mademoiselle this time.'
Fayne Sweet heaved a sigh of relief. With the regulator already hounding him for the mischievous trading tactics in index options, all he wanted was to get on the right side of the Indian law again so that he could continue raking in his billions.
'Monsieur Ambar Advani is also guilty of being stupid in listening to people on YouTube or WhatsApp groups and blindly buying stocks and hurting Mademoiselle Sanity often,' continued Tarot. Ambar looked up from his mobile phone with a what-now look.
'I investigated Monsieur Advani and his friends and I have concluded that though they are capable of the murder, they have not done it this time,' continued Tarot. The market correction in the first quarter of 2025 seems to have scared them. They have net purchased only ₹10,521 crore of stocks between January and July 2025, which is low compared to the purchase of ₹1,65,810 crore of stocks in 2024. The murder of Mademoiselle Sanity was not done by him.'
'How long do we have to stay here and listen to this drivel?' exclaimed Surabi Saxena.
'Just a little longer Madame,' continued Tarot. 'A look at the turnover in cash market shows that Fayne Sweet and co. were net sellers in 2025 and Ambar and his friends net purchased very little stocks. But domestic institutional investors were the largest buyers this year, net purchasing stocks worth ₹4,18,514 crore till July. They bought over ₹5 lakh crore in 2024 too.'
'Monsieur Alfie Patel,' Tarot continued. 'Your friends, mutual funds are largely to blame for this blind purchasing of stocks. You have a hand in the murder of Mademoiselle Sanity. Do you agree?'
Alfie Patel became quite agitated at this. 'What can I do Monsiuer, it is not as if I do not know that Mademoiselle Sanity is at risk if we buy at this time. But the SIP (systematic investment plan) inflows keep coming. Average monthly SIP inflow amount was ₹27,463 crore in FY26 so far, whereas it was ₹24,112 crore in FY25.'
'But why are the fund-houses advertising so heavily? Shouldn't they shut up when valuations are rich and Mademoiselle Sanity is at risk?' asked Tarot sternly.
'Blame it on SEBI, Monsieur,' said Alfie almost close to bursting into tears. 'It has been doling out mutual fund approvals freely in the recent past. Almost every brokerage, PMS or AIF wants to launch a mutual fund now, mostly passive funds. MF folios have shot up in the last one year.'
'Aha, and with that, we finally have our culprit,' said Tarot with a tweak to his waxed moustache. 'Madame Surabi, you and your organisation are behind the killing of Mademoiselle Sanity. You are making poor investors enter the stock market through new mutual funds at peak valuation.'
'Heavens!' said Surabi Saxena rolling her eyes. 'So, it has all come down to me. I was only trying to improve stock market penetration. Mutual fund route is the safest, so we are encouraging more of them. You cannot arrest me for that.'
'Vrai Madame,' said Tarot, 'but surely you acknowledge that the new MF approvals and the continuing SIPs are preventing the stock market from correcting. That has killed poor Mademoiselle Sanity and Indian stock market has become the butt of all jokes.'
'What do you propose I do?' asked Surabi with a haughty look.
'You much stop doling out new MF licences for now and ask new mutual funds, who haven't commenced operations to postpone the launch by six months,' said Tarot. Turning to Alfie, he said, 'Along with mutual fund sahi hai campaign, you must also run campaigns on when to stop SIPs, when to cash in and when to switch. This one-directional campaign is doing more damage than good.'
'Does that mean we can go now,' asked Ambar, looking up from the mobile.
'Oui,' said Tarot. 'Mademoiselle Sanity's killing has been accidental and due to misguided actions of Alfie Patel and Surabi Saxena. Once they make amends; Mademoiselle Rationality can be asked to come to Indian stock market and restore balance. Au Revoir Madame et Messieurs, thank you for your time.'
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Published on September 13, 2025
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