Environment Agency (EA) chiefs are pinning poo-ridden rivers and seas on birds and dogs instead of shameless water firms, campaigners claim.
It comes as the body published its annual bathing water classifications which revealed some of Britain's best-loved holiday hotspots are now a no-go for paddling.
The EA found one in seven English bathing spots is now polluted but said "many factors" affect water quality including "birds, dogs and other local issues".
But water campaigner Feargal Sharkey, the former Undertones frontman, said: "The EA has started this thing of blaming seagulls and blaming dogs for pooing on beaches. Because if they blame water companies at all it's a failure of regulation and that's their fault, whereas they don't regulate seagulls s****ing.
"It is an act of gross incompetence, much like its regulation of the environment, to blame seagulls for the failure of water companies."
Bognor Regis and Scarborough's South Bay were rated "poor" in the latest test meaning swimming is not recommended.
Britain's lakes, seas and rivers have been pumped with dumps in recent years, with fat cat water bosses often raking in huge bonuses while children paddle in poo. Many firms have repeatedly broken rules around permitted levels of sewage.
EA boss Alan Lovell admitted "there is more to do" amid the latest tests. Some 297 designated bathing water sites achieved an 'Excellent' rating this year, a small increase on last year's 289.
The EA had vowed to get tough on water firms so the limp results have come as a disappointment. Meanwhile 32 sites were classified as 'poor', a decrease of 37 on last year.
Overall, 417 bathing waters - 93% were rated 'Excellent', 'Good' or 'Sufficient', which is a slight rise on 2024.