DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man who has been having an affair with a married man for the last three years. They have been separated for a year, but no one has filed for divorce. I know he wants a future with me, but I'm not sure if he's brave enough to take the next step.
His wife is still "praying the gay away" and still thinks the marriage can work. She sends him biblical verses and worship songs regularly. He has always been gay, but because of how he was raised and his religious upbringing, he felt he had to live a fake life. Although his family isn't accepting, my family is, and they have met him. My question is, how long do I wait? I don't want to waste my life away waiting on someone else to determine my future. -- CINDERFELLA IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR CINDERFELLA: You stated that your lover is separated from his wife. One would think that after a year on his own he would have become more comfortable about his sexual orientation. The time has come to tell him that unless he's willing to seek counseling from a licensed therapist who can help him figure out who he is and who he wants to be, you will have to move on.
Living in limbo the way you are is unhealthy for you and HIM. I hope your next relationship, if there has to be one, will be with an out gay man who is unattached and available.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.