My daughter, "Victoria," is 8 years old. She's never been a great sleeper, and when she was a toddler, she was always getting up in the middle of the night. We took her to several doctors for evaluation, but they wouldn't commit to a diagnosis that would require medication or the like, and mostly told us either to tighten up sleep hygiene (which had little noticeable effect) or that she'd "just grow out of it." Well, a year ago it appeared the "grow out of it" crowd had gotten it right.
For the first time in years, we didn't have to keep an eye out at night, worried that she'd get out of bed at 3 a.m. and wander around the house. For the sake of completeness, I would note that she has never shown any of the other problems associated with a sleep disorder. She'd sleep but only for around three hours at a time. Then she'd wake up and wander the house, then go back to sleep for another three hours, and repeat the cycle. Our biggest worry had been that she'd trip over something wandering around in the dark. But, as I say, a year ago, she stopped wandering, and we stopped worrying.
Until last Wednesday, when my wife had to get to work unusually early. She found Victoria in the living room, on the dog bed, cuddled up with our Alsatian. We spoke to her about it that evening, when nobody was rushing to get anywhere, and learned that she hadn't ever stopped getting up in the middle of the night; she had just started staying in her room when she woke up, she said, because she didn't want to disturb us. But one night, a few months ago, she got bored enough to creep downstairs, where she played with the dog a bit, and then wound up sleeping in his bed with him. It became a habit.
I about 80 percent believe the story. But, apparently, she's been sleeping with the dog for months, and getting up before we do, and sneaking back into her room. If my wife hadn't gotten up hours earlier than usual, we might never have known! She claims she sleeps better on the dog bed than she does on her own. I'm worried about this, and I don't know what to do other than take her to another round of doctor's appointments to get the same useless advice all over again. Do you have any better ideas?
First of all, there is nothing all that strange about waking up every three hours. Many people do. And you might have spared yourself a good bit of worry if you had told her before she figured it out for herself that if she woke up in the middle of the night, she should stay in her room, where it's safe. I think what you should do next is work on some strategies with her for going back to sleep. Breathing exercises. Reading until she feels sleepy again. Listening to soothing music. I know there are parents reading this who are thinking, "He doesn't know how good he has it! At least the kid doesn't wake up the parents every time she wakes up and expects/needs them to help her go back to sleep!"
Furthermore: What's so bad about her sleeping with the dog? If the dog doesn't mind, why you should you? But one more idea: Perhaps the dog is providing her some comfort that helps her get back to bed. You might consider putting the dog's bed in her room -- and letting the two of them room together.
-- Michelle
I (37F) need help dealing with my husband's (38M) family. He comes from a very toxic family, and even though he wasn't physically abused, he has definitely been verbally and emotionally abused (including some neglect). His parents were always incredibly dismissive of him, were quick to yell and swear, saw him as a bother unless he was doing something for them, rarely took him to the doctor, and delighted in ridiculing him in front of others. The stories he's shared have honestly horrified me and broken my heart for him.